The heart leads, and we must go

Down we go into the belly of the goddess to be taken where we must go.

Hello my loves, yes it's me. Reemerging out of my den to commune with the world again. Thank you for the love and kindness you have shown in my little absence. It has been quite a transformative few months. So many changes and integrations have been taking place in my personal life that it has felt very natural and needed to step away from the online realm as I tend to and land in my physical world. Two months ago my husband and I packed up all our things into our jeep, bones, feathers and all, tucked in our cat and her four newborn kittens, and sailed off across the province to an unknown place, following a whisper of god. We arrived at the place that we would know as our home. Our little slice of heaven. A two-acre homestead with berry bushes and fruit trees and a sweet little cabin tucked away in a valley of the Rocky Mountains. A place where crystalline rivers flow down from snow-capped mountains. Where wildflowers bloom freely and unselfconsciously. We find ourselves in a town that holds a total of two shops on the main road, and where locals fight to keep cell towers away from their precious valley. A wild, slightly unhinged place indeed. Our view is a sea of green conifers and clear waters. Our drives into town take us along mountainsides and above turquoise rivers. Traffic? No such thing here. And the night you ask? Eyes are blanketed in a nurturing cover of pure, pristine darkness. As the darkest recesses of the soul. The night here is suspended in a heaven full full filled with twinkling ancient ones. The star nations sing the old songs, and it shows. Here things are quiet, quiet enough to hear the grasshoppers spring and the breeze as it weaves through the mountains. Home.

To say that this has been a dream of ours for as long as we can remember would be a slight understatement. For years, our blood flowed with the visions of one day arriving on our very own land, that we could steward and grow our family on. Everything that we did was with the ultimate vision of living in this way. It wouldn't appear that way though, as we have been nomadic for many years with only the last few having slowed down to stay in places slightly longer than usual. With each move, I felt more and more ready to land. My feet longed to take root. I desired so deeply to stay long enough somewhere to truly get to know a place, through each season, each year. A place to call my home. In the quiet chambers of our hearts, we sang this song, we spoke these words, we reached out to touch these visions.

Now perhaps we have not landed in our forever home just yet, but this place is a doorway into living our desires in the ways we can right here, in the eternal now. We asked ourselves, "How can we live this dream already?". And it looked like this, a rental property in the mountains of British Columbia. All this time we had been thinking the only way we could live this dream was to buy land, and we just weren't ready for that yet. Once we allowed our vision to expand, new opportunities suddenly revealed themselves.

Actually landing into this reality has been a blissful, heartening, humbling, empowering and sometimes challenging experience. An awakening into the ways we are so completely and divinely led from our hearts in this life. Weaving together our heart's clearest hymns into our waking life. Having this come forth for us was an orchestra of events that cascaded in unexpected ways, moments that invited us to step deeper into our truth. Moments that asked us what it was that we truly desired. Moments that revealed to us next steps that at times felt scary and unknown (as many good things do). 

Making this decision came with so many emotions for me. It was a big integration that came when we said yes to this land and this opportunity. It was an invitation to step up and hold something bigger than anything we had known before. It felt huge. And I felt ways about it. Of course, it's easy to feel the excitement and joy. The radiant laughter that arrives after a decision is made but before the rational mind steps in. Then came the fear. The doubt. Are we sure we can do this? It revealed to me the parts of myself that still shrivel up in the face of big responsibilities. It revealed the parts of myself that live in lack. "Can we afford this?" was a big question I had for myself and a big part of where my fear was coming from.

So many tears were shed in the thick of emotional turmoil that led to clarity. My body felt shaken. I had a big reaction to this initiation. Many emotions exposed themselves and the fear of such a leap of faith made me question this decision multiple times. But after all, it was clear that it was a LEAP OF FAITH. A jump into the unknown abyss of plenty. The crevices of eternity. Down we go into the belly of the goddess to be taken where we must go. When we are called, we must go. So yes, my feet shook as I moved closer to the ledge. My heart raced and my voice quivered. Tears threatened to break through the dam of my belly. And yet still, holding my love's hand in mine, we leapt, together. 

Perhaps that sounds somewhat dramatic for such a seemingly mundane decision. But for us, this was everything. God was speaking to us through all these opportunities that presented themselves, it all felt holy and oh-so-important. We were walking a pilgrimage. And in all life-changing decisions, there is the breath of god that leads you. This breath filled our bones and sang in our hearts and even in the fear and uneasiness, we KNEW, this was it. In the fear of the unknown, I heard the voice of the mother remind me that life always protects us and guides us seamlessly into each unfolding moment. I knew because I have been shown this again and again and again through my life, and in my life woven with my husband. In this love is woven the very fabric of divinity. Once I sat with the fear I was able to swim deeper into my emotional chasm and find lucid understanding. It felt clear that we made the right decision. And I knew in my heart of hearts that it would all work out. And low and behold, as soon as we said yes, life took the reins and made sure we would have everything we needed. Opportunities started to unfold that offered us an abundance of resources. Sacred answers to our doubtful questions. Decisions were made smoothly that allowed us to close old chapters and embrace this new one we would be embarking on. Once I leaned into trust I was shown life's majesty. We are always taken care of. The fear dissipated and made room for more trust. More leaning in. More knowing that we deserve to have that which we desire, and it is up to us to ask for it, to claim it. It is up to us to step up and hold it. Here we are claiming it. It was even more than what we asked for. 

Fast forward two months and many things have continued to land, shift, and integrate for me. Living the reality we have been speaking and envisioning has been expansive. We said goodbye to a life of nomadic travel and said hello to our roots. We have planted them in rich soil so they may grow strong. It was time. Here we are now. May it be a home to many. May it be light that guides and a nest that holds. May it be sustenance embodied in form. 

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Blessings family, to a way of reconnection with all that we are a part of. 

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Walking back home to the land

With our hands on our hearts

With our feet on the earth

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I would love to hear from you all, what was an experience you had with the hands of god, that asked you to take a LEAP of Faith?

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Feel like diving in to more Tales of the Hedgewise? Here are a few highlight publications.

Gardening the wild land

Through death into sustenance

Songs of a Former Vegan

When the Land Froze Over