Through death into sustenance
On my first animal butchery experience and the medicine I found within the container of that alchemical transformation.
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A few weeks ago we put to death all but one of the roosters we held on the property. It was my first time witnessing the intentional death of an animal and then the preparation of their body for food and sustenance. If I were to have watched all of this happening a few years ago, I would have looked away when they were laid on their death bed, winced when the axe fell upon their necks, teary-eyed and definitely not participating in the process of stripping and gutting the body.
On this day, however, I stood without wavering in witness. I looked into their eyes as they took their last breath. I watched as their fate dawned on them all. Seeing some close their eyes and relax in acceptance of their death, calm and wise. Peace radiated from them in a moment of ease, and the last breath slowly floated out of them. I saw as others fought for their lives till the very end, strong-willed and brave. I listened as the last croak escaped their throats, until a body lay, warm and deathly still. I prayed their souls into the otherworld and held them as they passed the threshold. And this process didn’t bring up in me what I thought it would. No tears were shed, instead, a heart fluttered in gratitude at a life being given for sustenance. Hands found them in humility to witness what it takes to put food on the table. Eyes filled in awe and reverence for their beauty.
Seeing a life end really is a remarkable thing.
What they say about a chicken running around with their head cut off, well, it is incredibly true. The impact of the axe upon their necks triggers nerve endings to turn on, which makes the body run and the wings to flap. Almost as a last energetic attempt to get away. The jolt of life before the inevitable death. It is quite an extraordinary thing to watch. If you let them go, they would run around with their heads chopped off. It makes you wonder, where is the line between life and death, perhaps its not so much a line as it is a porous veil.
Once all the roosters were brought to the table, the next step was to de-feather. We hung them up and started the delicate process, being careful not to tear the thin skin. One really becomes aware of how intricate a life form is when they are faced with the processing and unravelling of their body into meat. One gets to know every nook and cranny. So many feathers of all different shapes, sizes, textures and colours passed through my hands. I felt their soft flesh as I plucked each one. Still warm as though life continued to pulse through them. Ever so slowly, the body cooled as it drained of life and hardened to take the form of however it was hanging. They were washed and cleaned and eventually gutted.
Here is a whole other thing to see. How many people out there have seen the full display of internal organs of the creatures they have eaten. The bloodied heart, the silken soft liver, the hard and full stomach, the slippery intestines. Oh, all the different textures and forms. Learning to identify each is such a beautiful piece of wisdom. This is an education that we missed in school. And it felt deeply enriching to receive this now. The ancestral memories that tell us which organs are good to be stewed, fried, or dried. Which ones you can make into sausages or fries. Which ones to be very careful not to rupture. These are vital earth skills we were never taught in a classroom. Nor were they meant to be taught there. This is reintegrating with the full intelligence of the land.
Once they were gutted, we rinsed them one more time, now with the internal cavity empty and more closely resembling those chickens you would buy in your supermarket. We kept the liver and hearts to be cooked later, and the process was complete. (still getting used to the taste of organ meat, would love to hear some recipes for some yummy ways to prepare them) I saw them in that moment completely transformed. From a living creature going about their day pecking food and galavanting around their ladies, to a bare body of meat. A changed form.
This is the intimacy that is woven between the creature and the one who hunts and prepares it for food. It is an alchemy. An art. One that transforms a living creature into a corpse, into food, tools, and supplies. Witnessing this transformation from start to finish is as much an alchemy as the process itself. One is offered a very important gift through this experience. Other than the actual physical gift of meat, there is also profound wisdom imparted. Coming back to the story of life and death and food and sustenance, of sacrifice and truly intimate relating with earth and her creatures. Being in the presence of this alchemy, and even participating in its unfolding, felt like taking back a piece of my ancestral remembrance. It felt like a step deeper into the wholeness of me as a part of the land, me as a part of source, my life as a part of death.
For Christmas dinner my beloved and I roasted one of the roosters. We slow cooked it with some potatoes and vegetables and then sat together under candlelight and joyful music and mused upon that holy night. It felt like a deeply meaningful meal not only for the celebration, but for the intimate relationship we had woven with the food that sustained us then. The experiences that enriched and initiated us into the weavings of the land. It was a closing of the circle. From the ending of a life, to nourish another. From the beginning, to the end, to another beginning. So the spiral goes. So we are nourished by its unfolding.
Remembering and witnessing death is a wholesome thing. Whole. It reminds us of the other side of life. The other side of joy. The other side of cleanliness and order. It is deathly, grievous, bloody unravelling. It is the undercurrent of all that feeds us. Sure, many choose to look away when the last breath is taken, a society living in disdain of death and all that it holds. Yet when I chose to look straight at it, to hold it, to be the steward for these creatures and their transition to the otherworld, I looked into the eyes of death and saw unwavering peace. I saw boundless love. I saw heartwarming grief and tender tranquillity. It was still, silent. As though existing in a moment outside of time. That is a gift to witness. And I move now from that place reminded of the alchemy and nourishment of the land when we allow ourselves to be in deep relationship with its ways.
I eat you and you eat me.
I SEE you in all that you are and bow down to your glory.
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Some other pieces by me~
This is beautifully written. To witness and partake in the death that sustains our life is humbling and profound, and wholesome indeed, to connect so intimately with the land and cycles of life that we are all part of. "I eat you and you eat me." Perfect. <3
What a BEAUTIFUL read Marija 🤍🤍🤍 Thank you, thank you, thank you. Also, thank you for takINg us on a visual journey with you! As a Woman who was a vegan for 10 years, who started eatINg meat agaIN 2+ years ago Now, who IS still gettINg IN right relationship with meat and who Will have a homestead with Her Family IN the foreseeable Future, thIS resonates sooooo deeply. Once upon a time, not so long ago, WE All Lived IN such close, and RECIPROCAL relationship with ALL of the Food that WE ate, ANIMAls INcluded. WE INtentionally tended to and cared for the Land and the ANIMAls. WE INtentionally harvested the Land and brought those ANIMAls to their Death. WE INtentionally respected, revered and consumed EVERY part of those ANIMAls, from head to tail, not just "prized" pieces. The different textures of their full form a familiar experience ... not a foreign One. I often muse upon how modern digestive dis-ease IS by and large caused by disconnection from food Source. How can somethINg BE nutritionally BIOavailable to us, if WE are completely disconnected from wHere, what and more importantly, WHO it comes from? How can somethINg enLiven us, if WE are completely disconnected from it's aLiveness? An animistic orientation to Life IS always askINg WHO AM I relating to? Rather than, WHAT AM I relating to? BEcause no-thINg IS an INANIMATE object. EverythINg (EVERYONE) IS personified, BEcause everythINg IS aLive, BEcause everythINg IS ANIMA. So much Love and respect for you Sister! 🤍🤍🤍